Dear younger, frizzy-haired me.

What is it about being 20-something that makes everyone I know -- myself included -- feel so inadequate, so unaccomplished, so...dull?

Not to sound like Grandma here, but I seriously remember being 23 and talking to a 28-year-old, and thinking how OLD that was, and how far off from where I stood. And now it's here. And, like almost every other amazing, talented, compassionate woman I know, I feel so far off from where I'm SUPPOSED to be.

It's just that you have these dreams for yourself, and these goals, and you work hard and try to live by society's standards, and you wait for the excellence, and you wait, and you wait...and it doesn't come. That's not to say that we're not excellent. We are. But we abandon our dreams in favor of society's standards. And society's standards are jacked up, man. If I had a note to write to my younger self, it would go something like this:
____________

Dear amazing, talented, gorgeous-even-when-you-have-a-bad-hair-day self:

Stop trying to be perfect. Stop trying to please everyone else. Stop trying to walk in a perfectly straight, socially conscious line. Run. Fall. Stumble. Trip. Try new things that will make you run, fall, stumble and trip. And when you do, laugh, savor the memory, and move forward. Be grateful that you had the opportunity to jump.

You will go to college. Society will make you think that going to college DEFINES you, that choosing a job identifies your position in this world. Don't believe society. You are not your career. You can invest a lot of time into something and still change your mind. It's okay to change your mind. You are not going to get all the answers just by sitting in a classroom for four years. Don't feel bad when, during graduation, you wear your cap and gown and wonder, "What the hell am I doing here?" Don't start planning your next move. Just BE. Try new things. See what you like, see what you don't. Follow the path that excites you, not the path that you signed up for before you were even old enough to drink alcohol legally.

Stop comparing yourself to others. There are a thousand different ways to get to the same place, and their journey is different from yours. Embrace the path that you set out on, and don't be afraid to turn a new corner.

And last -- at least for now -- don't stay so busy that you forget to live. Busyness means that your spirit, your creativity, your SOUL, never has time to breathe. Do what you need to do, but leave time and room in your life to play. And don't feel guilty about that. Everyone needs a romp in the sandbox every once in awhile.

Comments

[Jacqueline]

I just came across your site. How beautiful.

Secondly, I am 20-something and I took this letter to heart. These are things I've been learning recently, it's good to hear someone else say these things, especially how college and career do not define us. Thank you for saying all the things I needed to hear.

[The Soul Sorority]

Hi Jacqueline,

Wow -- thanks. I know, I can empathize...I'm going through a quarterlife crisis here, and am second guessing everything I was taught in high school and college about the "proper" way to go through life. It's a crazy process, huh! :) thanks for sharing...