The Soul Sorority

Beauty, revisited...

I am the first to admit when I'm wrong, and ladies and gents, I was wrong.

A good friend of mine, who shall go unnamed, made a comment to me the other day that investing in herself IS worth it, because of the way it makes her feel. When she takes care of herself, she feels more confident, more self aware, more ready to tackle the world. So although she respected my views on beauty's fickle fate, she disagreed. (Yay!)

Here's the deal: I think I was a little too harsh in that post. Let me back up. First, let's take a little trip into my bathroom drawers -- all inhabited by my little friends, known to me as Sephora, Mac, Philosophy and Urban Decay. Among others. I am fanatical about makeup. I LOVE IT. In another life, I know I was supposed to be a makeup artist. I don't love it for it's masking qualities, as much as I love it for the way it makes me feel, and the way I can get creative with it. I could spend hours putting on different color eye shadows. If something happened and there was only one small slice of refrigerator real estate left, and it was a duel between cold cream and cold cuts, the cold cream would win every time, hands down.

My point is that I buy into beauty. I love facials. I love skincare. I buy beauty mags. I look for an antidote to my frizzy, curly hair. But what I DON'T do is put all my eggs into the beauty basket. That's the point I was trying to make. Like Valerie said, gorgeous is a bad stock to invest in. Now, is it good if it's part of a mutual fund? Absolutely. But throw intelligence, humor, optimism, balance, health, exercise, friendship, family and self confidence into that pot, too.

And I absolutely agree with my friend, that an investment into YOURSELF -- whether it's with makeup, exercise, alone time, massages or eating healthy -- is worth every penny. The feeling of confidence...priceless.

Stripping, continued...

Keeping in the same vein as a previous post, where we talked about the benefits of failing and stripping away the inessential, I thought it best to continue with J.K. Rowling's wise words.

In the Harvard commencement speech, she says:

"some failure in life is inevitable. It is impossible to live without failing at something, unless you live so cautiously that you might as well not have lived at all – in which case, you fail by default."

HELLO! Seriously. Sometimes I look at myself and laugh, because in my early 20s, I wouldn't say I was fearless, but I did have bigger cojones that I've had in the last year or two. In my early 20s, I took risks. I applied for things out of my league...and found success. I stepped out of my comfort zone, and almost every time I did, I loved who I became in the process. It wasn't until my MID-20s that I started tiptoeing through life. Why? I don't know. Probably because I had a decent job, rent, and this ideal that I was supposed to be responsible. Even if it meant suffocating. Mind you, I'm probably one of the most responsible people you'll ever meet. I'm early for deadlines. I pay my taxes. I don't rip the labels off mattresses.

But, being responsible doesn't mean you're supposed to shy away from change. Even the most calculated people can take risks, responsibly. How, you list-making, five-year-plan people may ask? Easy.

Start devoting one chunk of your week to something out of the ordinary. Take one afternoon, or a half-day on a weekend, and go do something that doesn't fall into the five-year-plan, but that just...sounds...SO...FUN. Say YES to something you would normally say NO to. Don't try and figure out HOW yet. You'll figure out the logistics later. Just say yes. I promise, it will be worth it.

Monday quote...

"Keep away from people who try to belittle your ambitions. Small people always do that, but the really great make you feel that you, too, can become great."

--Mark Twain

Slow down...

My dad told me something very wise a few years ago.

"Sharon," he said, in his broken English. "Good ideas never come when you're busy. They come when you have time to think, when your head is clear and they can find their way to the top."

He meant (I think) that when you stay busy, busy, busy, and you fill your mind with to-do lists and schedules, you're so exhausted by the end of the day that you have no time to grow or explore. You just...exist. Every day bleeds into the next, and suddenly, it's five years later and your to-do list is longer and your days are shorter and you've been running the same race for as long as you can remember, crossing the finish line and turning right around to run it all over again.

This comes from my dad, who doesn't believe in vacations. He believes in Work 24/7. He doesn't know how to relax or rest. I think that was his way of telling me to slow down. His way of telling me that I can't figure out what I need, what makes me thrive, if I am always running, running, running.

I'm trying, dad.

All work and no play...

First of all, Happy Father's Day to everyone :)

My dad immigrated to the United States from Israel when he was 21 years old, armed with nothing but a vision of the American Dream. He struggled -- a lot -- before starting a company that proved to be successful after years of perseverance.

His motto goes something like this: Work, work, work and more work. And then work.

He worked, and still works, 24/7. No rest for the weary. His DNA is partly to blame -- some people, no matter their age, size or education level, are prone to be workaholics -- and his generation also bears some of the responsibility. For Baby Boomers, "finding your dream job" is a load of crap. BS. Your dream job is the one that brings home the bacon, you know?

But for OUR generation, the generation of introspective, philosophical, speak-your-mind Generation X-Yers, not living your dream is preposterous. Nonsense! We will never be satisfied with working just to work. We want passion. We want fulfillment. We want bacon AND heart.

I don't know exactly where I'm going with this. I guess I wonder which generation is more on target...

Start stripping, ladies...

So, if you don't already know, Harry Potter author J.K. Rowling delivered this year's commencement speech to the graduating class at Harvard. Although she spoke June 5, it's taken me awhile to really read and digest her speech, which I think is brilliant even though some Harvard snobs may disagree. I'm going to blog about it in a few separate posts, to let the brilliance last...

In the speech, Rowling talked about the benefits of failure, and how, when she graduated from college, she struggled with her personal ambitions vs. the path her family wanted her to follow. Rowling knew -- she KNEW -- that she wanted to be a novel writer. She was lucky enough to identify her dream. But she didn't follow it, at least not at first, because her family wanted her to choose a more secure profession.

(Now, take a second, and imagine the world devoid of Rowling's imagination? Imagine a world without Harry Potter? I mean, even if you don't like the series, at least respect it for how it's helped encourage millions of children to READ instead of text or MySpace.)

Luckily for us, she found a way to get back to her core, even if it meant personal struggle. With a failed marriage, no job and barely any money, she was probably told -- repeatedly and by everyone she knew -- that she should get a job, any job, even if it meant sacrificing her dreams. I mean, at that point she even had a kid, so she had EVERYTHING TO LOSE.

But her passion screamed so loudly inside of her, it couldn't be ignored. And because she chose to stay true to herself, we have a world where J.K. Rowling is an incredible author and not a secretary. Not that there's anything wrong with being a secretary. It just wasn't her path.

She says it best here:

"...Failure meant a stripping away of the inessential. I stopped pretending to myself that I was anything other than I was, and began to direct all my energy into finishing the only work that mattered to me. Had I really succeeded at anything else, I might never have found the determination to succeed in the one arena I believed I truly belonged. I was set free...and so rock bottom became the solid foundation on which I rebuilt my life."

Yes, J.K., yes. Because anyone suffering from Octopus Syndrome knows that by flailing around, trying to be everything you think you are supposed to be, you leave no room, spirit or time for what you DESIRE to be, at your deepest self.

I vote we start stripping away the inessential. Now.

The beauty whip.

I was thinking the other day, about how we women often beat ourselves up over the most insignificant things -- a pimple, a pound, a wrinkle here or a line there -- and I ran across this quote by Valerie Monroe, beauty editor of O Mag...(I know, I'm obsessed)...

"It stinks even if you're gorgeous, by cultural standards. Valuable as it is, gorgeous is not a good stock to invest in. It has a completely predictable payout. No matter what you do, how well you take care of yourself, how much surgery you submit to, one day you are going to lose everything on this investment. You know this, I know this. Even so, we buy into the beauty rules, colluding with a culture that makes us feel so inadequate, whipping ourselves when we come up short. Which makes us -- come to think of it -- part of the problem."

Genius.

Sex and 70-year-olds.

My best friend and I were the two last people on the planet who hadn't seen Sex and The City The Movie, so we caught the flick yesterday. About eight other people were in the theater, including this 70-year-old couple. I am convinced they were just there for the fleshy goodness that is Sex and the City. ;)

Anways. No spoilers here, but this love letter, written by Ludwig van Beethoven, was mentioned in the movie. It's beautifully written...classic. I chopped it up a little for blog purposes, but you'll get the gist.

Though still in bed, my thoughts go out to you, my Immortal Beloved, now and then joyfully, then sadly, waiting to learn whether or not fate will hear us - I can live only wholly with you or not at all.

Yes, I am resolved to wander so long away from you until I can fly to your arms and say that I am really at home with you, and can send my soul enwrapped in you into the land of spirits...No one else can ever possess my heart - never - never - Oh God, why must one be parted from one whom one so loves. And yet my life in V is now a wretched life - Your love makes me at once the happiest and the unhappiest of men - At my age I need a steady, quiet life - can that be so in our connection?

Be calm, only by a calm consideration of our existence can we achieve our purpose to live together - Be calm - love me - today - yesterday - what tearful longings for you - you - you - my life - my all - farewell. Oh continue to love me - never misjudge the most faithful heart of your beloved.

ever thine

ever mine

ever ours.

Fork me.

Change is an interesting beast. It's tricky, delicate. It's about preserving the past while making room for the future. It's about jumping from who you are into who you might be.

And there's the rub. I think most of us know we could be more, whether it's in our personal or professional lives. More of a friend, more of an employee, more of a significant other, more spiritual, more relaxed, more happy. But we settle for what we ARE, myself included, because MORE requires a leap into the scary, sometimes painful, unknown.

When navigating a transition, everyone is different. Some people have to finesse change...they have to lean into it, muddle around in it awhile, dip their toes in the pool of ambiguity. And others just need to run to the edge of the mountain, close their eyes, suck in a deep breath of fresh air and...jump.

There's no right or wrong way about it. It's at your own pace. But, like a good friend once told me, the longer you fight quicksand, the harder it is to get out. Maybe you don't want to get out, because once you're out, you don't know what the hell you're going to do. And  that's the choice. Sometimes, I think you just have to GET OUT and give yourself room to figure out what the hell you're going to do. Because in the quicksand, it's hard to get perspective, you know?

The guy at the bar.

So, yesterday the man friend was listening to the radio and asked me a question that got me thinking.

Question--
When a girl is out at a bar, is there a difference between: a guy buying a girl a drink, and a guy asking her if he can buy her a drink?

Answer--
Yes. The guy asking to buy her a drink will most likely ask her if he can hold her hand on the first date and ask her if he can kiss her on the second. Ladies, take note: This is most likely a good guy. Unfortunately, this is also the guy that gets the ax because...

The guy who just buys her a drink is cocky, arrogant and way more appealing to most girls than the nice guy. I'm not saying it's right. I'm just saying it's how it is.

Then, on the radio, the DJ asked: Okay, if a guy buys her a drink, or asks to buy her a drink, does the girl OWE him anything?

UMM....HOLY SHEED. What generation are we in, seriously?

NO. It is an emphatic, absolute, understood NO. This is why I hate going out. Because guys think that buying a girl a $9 martini means she needs to take off her panties, right there at the bar, and hand them over. Seriously??